Author Archive
People Who Annoy Me
1. People who weld and call it “abstract art.”
2. People who run over cats for fun.
3. People who pay for things with only change.
4. Overweight children who really want to dance ballet.
5. Young kids who try to talk like adults.
6. People who call young men “son.”
7. Old men without shirts.
8. Men who sit down to […]
What song titles should really be
Title: Angels We Have Heard On High
Should Be: We Thought We Heard Angels While We Were High
Title: Go Down Moses
Should Be: Exonerate The Jews
Title: YMCA
Should Be: Celebrate Your Homosexuality
Title: What’s Love Got To Do With It
Should Be: Can’t We Just Get Naked
Title: Houndog
Should Be: Remove Yourself From My Presence Mutt
Title: Chatahoochie
Should Be: I Really Enjoyed […]
I once knew a girl named Lucy
I once knew a girl named Lucy
Who loved to eat a pear oh so juicy
The sticky stuff would run down her chin
As she read a well thumbed copy, of Huckleberry Finn
New Things To Yell During Climax
Spending some “quality time” with your special lady or gentleman? Make things interesting with this new list to yell out during moments of ecstasy:
“Colorful underwear and Trousers!”
“Screaming Clockwork Nanny!!!”
“Orietal Rugs and Noodles!”
“Clandestine Turtle Mob!”
“Coniferous Belching Lemon!”
“Climbing Scarlet Orchid!”
“Falling Ninja Washboard!”
“Jumping Lima, Peru!”
“Rasping Waspy Mildew!”
“Uncovered Milquetoast Wackadoodle!”
“Clammy Watered-Down Spongebath!”
“Pekingese Shallow Sloth!”
“Ringwormed Heavy Boredom!”
“Marmalade Raving Incest!”
“Carpet […]
I once knew a girl named Esadora
I once knew a girl named Esadora
Who made her home in Bora Bora
A plastic surgeon she did employ
And now instead of Dezzy, her friends call her Roy
A thought
It just occurred to me:
The only real reason to learn to speak French is to be able to insult them in a language that they (the French) can understand.
Realistic Solutions to Gas Prices
Let me be clear from the beginning. It is my firm belief that whales (yes, the large water mammals) serve no purpose. They eat too much, they waste space, they breathe air that could be better used for important things like balloons, and they do not contribute to the general well-being of the planet. […]
Fun Things To Say In Spanish
“Tu ombligo es feo.”
Your bellybutton is ugly.
“No escriba en los arboles por favor.”
Please don’t write on the trees.
“El pes me canto!”
The fish sang to me!
“La sopa es vieja y moja.”
The soup is old and moldy.
“La rana tiene el gripe.”
The frog has the flu.
“Cuidado! El matador tiene un cuchillo.”
Look out! The murderer has a […]
I once knew a girl named Jeena
I once knew a girl named Jeena
Who kept a pet Hiena
But that filthy mamal chewed off her leg
And now she hobbles about on a wooden peg
I once knew a boy named Trent
I once knew a boy named Trent
Who to a wicked brothel once went
There were buxom ladies housed there in
And with them he committed carnal sin