B-Dogg Releases pre-inauguration Album Entitled, “Damn it feels good to be the Presdidnt!”
President Elect Barack Obama shocked the American People and thrilled rap music fans everywhere this week by announcing his musical debut album, “Damn it Feels Good to be the Presdidnt!”
He announced the beginning of his musical career at a press conference in the south side of Chicago yesterday. He stepped up to the podium wearing an outfit distinctly different from his usual attire. Instead of suit and tie, he wore a leather jacket over yellow spandex, an outfit with some definite Bling!
“I promised the American people change, and that change is coming!” Obama said. “This nation, by the people, for the people and of the people, is goanna get down with the homies! From now on, ya’ll just call me B-Dogg!”
Phat beats then began to emit from the speakers and subwoofers stationed around the stage and the President-elect began to rap.
Damn it feels good to be the Presdidnt
I’ll feed the poor and help out with their bills
Although I grew up in Jakarta
Now I’m in the US makin’ deals
So voters of the world keep supportin’ me
And I promise to take you very far
The KKK better not upset me
Or I’ll send them white trash bastards to be cleansed in Darfur
To all you Republicans, who thought McCain could win
This nigger’s laughin’, cuz he didn’t!
Now I got the world swingin’ from MY nuts
And damn it feels good to be the Presdidnt!
President-elect Obama, alias B-Dogg then showed off his fancy hip-hop moves, and danced for the roaring crowd of thousands gathered.
Hollis Winslow, 27, of downtown Chicago said, “Funk ya! Put that in yo bowl and smoke it White America!”
“Damn it feels good to be the Presdidnt!” contains killer hits that are sure to be pure gold, such as “Hail to this Black Ass Chief, Mutha Fuka!”, “Time ta do a Drive By on AlQueda!”, “Stick it to the White Man!”, “Get on my Secret Service list Bitches!”, “Jakarta-booty!” as well as the title song.
“I think it says something about our nation that we can all just get down and boogie with our president,” said the very un-hip accountant Rupert McTavish, 47, of Glendale. “He can lead, and he can rap! What a guy!”
In response to this moving press conference/concert, Virgil Griffin, current Grand Wizard of the Ku Klux Klan issued this statement as of 6 a.m. this morning:
“It is apparent to me, given the recent election and the president’s eloquence in song, that my organization, the Ku Klux Klan, has lost touch with the realities of American society. As any rational leader in my position would do, I hereby dissolve my organization completely and channel the sum total of our operational funds into poor inner city charities. I just want to say this to my president, that sir I completely and utterly respect you and your musical artistry and that we, the former members of KKK, will not upset you in any way whatsoever.”
Not everyone is pleased by the current turn of events however. The Rap group Geto Boys and the Rap Artist Snoop Dogg are filing a joint lawsuit for infringement of copyright against the President-Elect.
“As an artist, I am simply outraged to have my image stolen in such a brazen and disrespectful manner,” said Mr. Dogg, who was ironically well spoken and well dressed in a Brooks Brothers’ business suit outside the Cook County Courthouse. “Obama’s so called ‘new hit song’ is obviously a undisguised and sophomoric facsimile of the Geto Boys classic - Damn It Feels Good to Be a Gangsta. The Geto Boys and I intend to prosecute Mr. Obama to the fullest extent of the law.”
When news of the pending lawsuit reached President-elect B-Dogg, he reportedly said, “Snoop, why yo being a player-hater!”
Undead Scourge conquers Wall Street, advances on Washington.
Last week, Blizzard Entertainment released their much-anticipated game expansion, Wrath of the Lich King.
“We had no idea what we were unleashing,” said Blizzard company president and Co-Founder Michael Morhaime. “We knew the game still had some production bugs, but we figured we could fix them after our customers had bought the game with our next client patch. Instead, one of our fictional characters seems to have escaped the game and is now dead set on killing… well everyone! As president of Blizzard Entertainment, I can say without equivocation that doom has come to this world. Tremble mortals, and despair. On wait that’s Archimonde’s line… what was Arthus’ catch phrase? I don’t really recall. Ah well. It doesn’t matter. It’s time to die. I don’t know about all of you, but I’m planning on giving my Beretta 12 gauge a blowjob right after this interview. Arthus can’t make me into one of his undead minions if I’ve got no skull.”
The Lich King Arthas Menethil, also know as Ner’zhul, wasted no time attacking the totally unprepared citizens of New York City.
“My rise to power in your pathetic kingdom was mere child’s play,” said the Lich King in an exclusive interview with this publication. “I knew that the financial markets were weak, and so I seized complete control of them. How you may ask? Simple. With my army of the dead and damned.”
Jack Thompson, chief lawyer employed by Mothers Against Videogame Addiction and Violence, said that it’s no secret where the 8 million or so zombies that King Arthus commands came from.
“Eight million people played World of Warcraft,” said Thompson. “That’s eight million slack-jawed zombies created by the video game industry and Blizzard Entertainment. These players were ground zero for the Undead Plague, spread when they uploaded Wrath of the Lich King to their computers. All Arthus had do was give the word, (most likely by subliminal messages he placed in the game,) and all these fanatical followers descended upon Wall Street like the proverbial four horsemen.”
“Of course it helps that the Lich King had a Wall Street insider on his side,” said Paul Kangus of PBS’s Nightly Business Report. “Donald Trump has long been a supporter of evil in all its forms. With the coming of the Lich King to Wall Street, he could see where the markets were heading and swore fealty to the Lord of the Undead. This helped the Lich King consolidate financial power quickly.”
“A few weeks ago, if you’d have told me it would take a supernatural despot to raise Fanny and Freddie back from the grave, I’d have laughed in your face, but you know, now I’m a believer, in the Lich King that is… May he reign forever as our dark master!” said Tom Gardner CEO and Co-Chairman of the Motley Fool and noob Death Knight level 56.
President George W. Bush, in a desperate attempt to save America, humanity and his failed presidency ordered the US Armed forces to engage in a full frontal attack upon the legions of the Undead Scourge.
“The major problem of course with fighting the undead, is that they just don’t die,” said the shell shocked Defense Secretary Robert Gates. “You shoot one, and it gets right back up and tries to eat your brains. You’ve got to dismember them to stop them or blow them up. And every time they kill one of our guys, the Scourge necromancers raise him to fight on their side, so it’s really a lose-lose situation.”
His offensive against the Scourge failing as miserably as everything he’s tried to do while in office, George W. Bush decided it was time to drop the big one on New York. Sadly, this last desperate act to save the human race was thwarted by none other than vice president Dick Cheney.
Shotgun in hand, the vice-president stepped into the office and blasted the hope of the free world (the first and last time George Bush has been called that I’m sure,) right in the face with both barrels.
At a press conference immediately following this murder, the now acting President Cheney and level 83 Death Knight said, “I have done the will of my Master the Lich King, and I have been rewarded with the office of High Chancellor, in this his new kingdom.”
Former presidential candidate John McCain has also converted to the Lich King’s cause.
“Cheney of course joined because he’s always been mad with power and out of control. I joined because well, I’m 72 and I get periodic bouts of Melanoma. I figured, I am not getting any younger or healthier, but if I become a lich I won’t get any older since I’ll be living out the rest of eternity as mobile talking corpse. It’s a win-win for me, and a win-win for America.”
President-elect Barak Obama has taken a firm stand against the undead minions of the Lich King, but his position was weakened when a number of his choices for economic advisory positions, who were corrupted by the Scourge of Wall Street, turned upon him.
“I told him that they were turning green and all smelly,” said Michelle Obama, referring to former Enron Exec. Robert Rubin, Time Warner CEO Richard Parsons, and Freddie Mac Former Exec. and Illinois Congressman Rahm Emanuel. “I was sure they’d all contracted the Undead Plauge, but my husband, Mr. Optimism, said they were just fine and they’d been screened by a doctor. It must have been Dr. Kavorkian because sure enough they tried to eat our brains! That Putz is lucky I still keep my sawed-off in my purse, else America’s first Black President would be lunch for the armies of the undead.”
Meanwhile, Blizzard Entertainment programmers are desperately working to create an update patch to the game that will eliminate the Scourge.
“We don’t really hold out much hope though,” said Morhaime. “Could you be a pal and pass me that box of double lead buckshot?”
Will it Blend?
How about no……
Damn kids! Stay off my lawn!
WTF?
It’s really YOUR fault you know…..
“Thank you for calling Dell Tech Support, my name is…Bob…how can I habib you today?”.
Everyone cringes at the thought of calling tech support. Why is this? Well the reasons are multitude but the next time you have to call tech support and you cringe, you have no one to blame but yourself. Thats right folks, YOU the consumer are responsible for the creation of crappy tech support. Disagree with me on this? Keep reading, I bet you might think otherwise.
Back in the ’90s, when the consumer computer market was really taking off, IT Support was something that a person paid for. (either via a 6-Pack to your buddy or $$$ to the local computer shop) It was rarely over the phone and rarely cheap. Eventually, companies (I’m looking at you, Gateway) starting offering lifetime phone support for any computer you bought from them. There was a catch. You had to be the original owner.
Much like the cell phone industry, (think Verizon’s “In-Network Calling”) as soon as one company does a promotion offer to get customers, it gets parodied through the industry. This is exactly what happened to the consumer computer market. (notice I say Consumer. In the business world, support contracts are common place and paying for support is a common thing.) All it took is one company to offer Free Tech Support and promote it as a selling point and everyone else followed suit. Well, Free ain’t cheap. If I offer free tech support, I have to pay my support techs somehow. If I have to subsidize the cost of tech support, I can’t afford to pay my techs very well so the really IT oriented and talented people stay away from Phone Support. (and the result of trying to save as much money to subsidize the Free Support, outsourcing to India is the inevitable result. It’s cheaper.)
The ultimate result is this. Now that everyone EXPECTS free phone support for technology, they balk at the thought of having to pay for it. Plus, why should the average consumer take the effort and time to learn how to use a personal computer, cell phone, etc? I would bet large sums of money, the average consumer would make it a point to learn how it works when they have to pay for someone else to do it for them.
So the next time you call for Tech Support and get “Bob” in India, you have no one to blame but yourself.
Random
“Then, during the third reconciliation of the last of the Meketrex Supplicants, they chose a new form for him — that of a Giant Sloar! Many Shubs and Zuuls knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of the Sloar that day I can tell you!” -
Numbnut indeed…..
Spelling Bee Blooper - Watch more free videos
Nothing like belittling those who ask questions…
Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg answers the question, “What is a technology company?” With THIS stellar response: “It’s a company that creates technology.”
And a geek with too much money is STILL a geek Mark. Keep up the good work.